To be or not to be a Roman

Most everyone is familiar with the saying, "When in Rome...." and although I'm not in Rome, to an extent there are waysof being that I simply must adjust to in Germany. To get along in any society that is different from your own, there are a variety of ways which you may be used to that need to be sacraficed. For instance, language. Of course it's better to speak German in a German speaking country. My personal opinion is that it would be disrespectful to avoid speaking the language of the host country which you may be living in. Think of how irritated people in the States can get when a foreigner doesn't speak English.....But the language is just one example. Another one for you.......Nonverbal gestures. In the States, I think about how many times I smile everyday at strangers. It almost feels unnatural to not smile at a passerbyer. Here in Germany (at least in Munich), smiling does not translate. Friendliness does not translate. People seem to think you're crazy or have some sort of psychologial malfunction if you walk through the streets with a smile on your face. This is a difficult concept to swallow for me and one that I don't feel inclined to adjust to. This is where the dilema presents itself.

When I was in Thailand, I was becoming more and more "Thai-like" everyday. The Thai way was fulfilling and helped to make me what I thought was a more grounded and peaceful person. Then I enter the Deutsche kingdom where people walk around with frowns, snap and get angry at the littlest things, are constantly impatient and monitoring their watches, and keep wide distances from strangers. People avoiding people.

Just the other day, a lady actually got mad at me because I opened the door for her and motioned for her to go ahead of me. I was met with hostility and frustration because as she told me, "I can do it myself."

Of course while I live here I don't want to be the fish-out-of-water, but I also don't want to become so much of a German. I would like to preserve my friendly character and not to forget how to smile. I would like to keep enjoying the small things in life, like a cute dog or pretty clouds in the sky. I still want to be American-Thai.

But, I live here.....How much of this world do I let consume me? How can I make sure that I don't become sharp and edgy like most of the population here? How can I still be me, when "me" doesn't translate???

Grandpa Gordon

Describing the man that I admire most in this world cannot truly provide a clear picture about how wonderful this man is; but I aim to try.

I wish that everyone had a chance to know my Grandpa, Grandpa Gordon. He currently is under the care of Hospice at the ripe old age of 91. He has experienced yet another heart attack that now marks the end of his era. This heart attack was just one of about ten that have struck him during his life, but he had always pulled through. That is one reason why I admire him. His persistence with life. He also has had open heart surgery and our whole family believed that he was pulling his last straw and his will power and zest for life left us speechless when he went home from the hospital with a miraculous recovery.

I think that most people experiencing such an immense amount of bodily stress would become pessimisstic about life, maybe even want to give up. Not this man. With every heart attack it seemed as though his sense of humor was becoming increasingly more refined. He has a plethora of jokes about hosptial food and nurses and patient gowns. He would actually leave the hosptial smiling.

My grandpa loved life and appreciated everything he got from it. He raised 4 children, three boys and one girl, with his wife Barbara who he was married to for 65 years. Some couples don't even last 65 weeks. He loved his wife and liked to call her "mom". He still carries a picture of her in his wallet from when they got engaged. Our family didn't learn this until just last year when it slipped out over our Thanksgiving meal, but my grandma had been engaged to another man when she met my grandpa. Turns out, he swept her off her feet when he sent her an Easter telegram from Michigan (a telegram!) that wished her a nice Easter holiday. She later broke up with the other man and then ended up marrying my grandpa!

His children had children and he relished being a grandfather to five grandkids. He bought me my very first bike. It was light pink with a rainbow banana seat and streamers that hung from that handle bars. I had found it in his closet before Christmas and he told me that it was for a little girl who lived down the street from him. He always remembers every family members' birthday and sends generous gifts. We almost share the same birthday. I'm August 8th and he is August 7th. Maybe that was the trick to remembering my birthday.

He's an incredibly independent man. He still lives in his own home and drove up until now. He loved to play golf and spent most of his retirement on the golf course making hole in ones. I believe he has had 4. He's also astonishingly educated. Most people don't grow with the times. I think that's how the saying came about: "These kids today...." Most people stick to what they know and remain content with that. With Gordon you could discuss politics from fifty years ago or share opinions about Obama.

I always thought that he was the most handsome "old" man that I've ever known. I don't think I ever told him that, but he does have a killer smile!

My grandpa has lived throughout this past century experiencing things and changes in the world that new generations will never have the chance to experience. Most of us cannot imagine our lives before the cell phone. Imagine life before the automobile! He witnessed WWII (which he fought in), man landing on the moon, the beginning of the internet, computers, the evolution of music, civil rights movement, Vietnam, and so many other uncountable things! The drastic changes that took place in this last century marked so many milestones for mankind and I feel fortunate for him that he lived during those times to see these things happen.

Now in the care of Hospice, he confronts the possibility of death everyday and with courage and optimissim. I called him recently to shout across the phone (he can't hear very well) and tell him how much I love him.....You can hear the weakness in his voice, but what was so impressive to me was the optimissm in his words. I believe that his positive outlook and attitude on life has carried him as far as he's come. I have so much to learn from him and the way that he lived his life. His humble nature, honesty, and enthusiasm for life and living ensured his good kharma.

I love my grandpa and I'm sad to see that this year will most likely be his last, but I'm so happy for him that he was able to live the life that he did. He's ready to be reunited with my grandma and although I'm not religious, I know that God will grant him that wish.

Necessary skills needed for surviving German grocery stores

There used to be this ridiculous game show on TV where the contestents had to run through the grocery store with only a certain amount of time and find everything that was on some list. They would race through the aisles and people would scream at them and try to cheer them on. I have no idea what the point of the show was, but this is what I think of when I go grocery shopping here in Deutschland.......
There are absolutely no Costco type stores here in the Big G. There is no possible way for anyone to "stock-up", just as we do in den USA. You cannot find things in the Family Size, Value Package, or buy things in bulk. It's not done that way here. Also, grocery stores are closed on Sundays and close early in the evenings; esspecially on Saturday.
Remember when people were freaking out about Y2K? Everyone was building their own bomb shelters and piling up canned foods........This is the feeling I have when I go shopping at the local Aldi.
It's utter chaos. People are fighting over bread. People are racing shopping carts. Everyone's panicing. Naturally, if you're surrounded by dozens upon dozens of crazy people, you begin to go crazy yourself. I have learned how to cope with this and how to survive the Aldi experience.
Rule number one: You must be fast.
Not just quick.......But really very fast.......Mostly at the register. This is how it goes down here......You quickly throw your food onto the conveyer belt and promptly grab the divider to barracade your items. If you don't other Germans will hate you. Yes. Hate you.
Immediately after your things are out and ready to be scanned you must already being pulling out your wallet while simutaneously preparing yourself to catch the food when it is thrown off of the conveyer belt by the cashier.
And truly, your food is thrown. This is no exaggeration. It reminds me of tennis practice when I was a kid. There was that machine that shot the balls out at you and I would hit them from the otherside of the court.....Instead, it's food.
You don't get paper or plastic bags here unless you buy them. So everyone brings their own bags (you also bag your own food). The bag is like the tennis racket. It's what you use to catch the food.
Meanwhile, your ears are filtering out the "beep, beep, beep" from the scanner and readying yourself to hear the grand total of your purchase. For me, I have to listen extra carfeully because I still need to think about what I hear auf Deutsch. I'm still translating in my mind. And there is a little something special about saying a number in German. We say "twenty-three", the two and THEN the three....Not here! They say "three and twenty". It's not that the concept is any way difficult to understand, but for a non-native speaker it's just the same as saying the alphabet backwards. You have to think about it.
So my total is: six and thirty, one and ninety. 36.91
There also is an element of math here and if anyone knows me well.............
Ok, so we are holding out our money, catching food, moving out of the way so that the next person can que themselves at the cash register, accepting change and then literally evacuating the area. Once you have received your change, there is no reason whatsoever to see your face anymore. You no longer have any reason to be standing anywhere near the register. You must leave. Talk about customer service.
I have my food now balanced on every part of my body and I carry it to the "food arranging area" where people organize what they just bought and caught. The shopping trip has come to an end.
Being fast is really the only rule to surviving an Aldi shopping trip on your average Saturday afternoon. I typically try to fit in my shopping during the week to avoid getting pushed by old ladies and shouted at by frustrated mothers in the dairy aisle. But shopping during the week does not mean you can be any slower, if anything you have to be quicker! Even if you're the only person in line. Makes no difference.
I have found the Aldi experience to be quit comical. And simply ridiculous.

Finally.....The Easter blog..

Easter is probably my favorite holiday and for me, Easter here in Germany was quite special. Rolf and I took a couple days off from work/school to take a long weekend and headed up north to visit the parents. Rolf had last seen his parents over one year ago and I had never (obviously) met his parents. So, yeah, it was the first time. It's always a little bit nervewrecking when one gets introduced to the parents, but I feel there was slightly a bit more pressure in this circumstance given the fact that Rolf's parents are German and speak Deutsch.


It was really my duty to learn what I could so that I could be able to communicate with them. I could see the relief in Rolf's mom's face when I opened my mouth to mutter the little that I learned in the two months. Since I have been here in Germany, I haven't been able to practice my speaking and listening much. Sure, I go to the store and bakery; but I relay only words and I hardly ever get the chance to exercise conversation. The weekend was the real intensive course. I was concentrating on grammar and the proper cases (which makes the German language incredibly difficult) and I was understood! That's the most important part!


Besides the language immersion, I love Rolf's parents. They were so welcoming and open which really made me feel comfortable and at home. We had all sorts of activites that we did together. Lots of cooking and eating.....


It was so interesting for me to see the home that Rolf grew up in and see the streets that he walked as a kiddo. I was able to meet his former heavy metal band members from back in the day. They still have the long rocker hair, dress in all black....I was trying to imagine Rolf dressing the same way......We got to know one another through discussing politics and culture. Ya know, just typical heavy metal talk. It felt as though they were brothers to me. I had already learned so much about them through Rolf and it was so wonderful to have finally met them now. They still have their own band and even now they play some of the songs that Rolf wrote back when he was 17 years old!


One night we went up to the attic to pull out the ol' photo albums and humiliate Rolf looking a pictures of him as a toddler. Rolf's dad even dragged out the home videos......I haven't laughed that hard in awhile...The selected video was an old, grainy, first-ever-video-camera clip of Rolf having his diaper changed....He was fussing and crying......And then, his mother had the curteousy to give the audience something to talk about and then showed the dirty, loaded diaper to the camera.....I was crying I was laughing so hard. I was teasing Rolf that I was so thrilled to come all the way out to Germany to see his poopy diaper. Classic.
Rolf lived along the coast and the weather allowed us to enjoy the sun, walking along the Suedstrand eating bratwurst and pretzels. Unfortunately, we didn't have the time to visit the "Ship in a bottle" museum.....Why?........

Summer is here! (It's not...only spring....but, that is what Rolf has been saying ever since the sun finally decided to shine!) I was able to put away my heavy winter coat and my snow boots....I can wear heels again! I was becoming depressed having to always dress in so many layers as I trekked to and from the subway. Now that the sun is out I can wear colors again and all the clothes that I DIDN'T BRING WITH ME WHEN I MOVED.

I was so concerned about freezing my rear off that I failed to realize that eventually warm weather would come and I wouldn't have to fear that any longer. So, it's warm and I have 3 days worth of clothes for this kind of weather. I have had to ask my mom to mail me a lil bit of my wardrobe.....

I would just go shopping....Who wouldn't want to have a very good reason to purchase a new wardrobe? Well, I do have that reason, but not necessarily the funds. Ah, life.

So, I've been searching for jobs. I've had a couple of interviews, a couple of rejects. During my last interview, I met a girl from the States (which part?), California (me too!), in Orangevale (No way....). I would have liked to become friends, but she was also interviewing for the same position and at the same time as me. Yup. Group interview. It was the most challenging interview I have had so far......I realize that there are many more to come...but, it started out entirely in German and they put me on the spot to see how much German I could speak. I choked and I have no idea what actually came out of my mouth, but I know that it was not really a language. Oh well. Experience right?

The weather has been changing how I feel and how the city feels too I think. People are eating outside the cafe's, drinking more beer, and giving themselves reason to wear the traditional Dirndls. I got one myself! Rolf and I were in the store browsing the options and he was laughing because I was lecturing him about what was traditionally German and what was not. This is all in preparation to become a professional beer drinker. When in Rome......

We walked through the park on Sunday afternoon with some friends where I was able to get more of a feel for German culture. Good weather makes for good Germans.
Maybe good weather also makes for good German speaking abilities. I'm still studying, five days per week and three hours per day. I can read and write much better than I am able to listen and speak which is frustrating. I have been pressuring myself about where I think I need to be in terms of proficiency, but Rolf continues to remind me that it's only been two months and going on three. I feel edgy.

That feeling fades by the weekend when Rolf and I go salsa dancing. We have found places to tear up dance floors, but we have not been able to find a decent place for climbing. My arms are getting weak! So our new ambition for a hobby is rollerblading. I remember the last time I was on skates. I fell. In front of my university. At 5pm on a Thursday. On my butt. One lady's reaction: At least you fell gracefully. Sweet. Rolf says that I will need knee pads, wrist guards, elbow pads, a helmet, insurance, and a mouth guard. Sooo Munich.Overall, things are looking up and smoothing out. We have completely moved into our place. The boxes are unpacked, Rolf has his poster map of America taped on the wall, and I put a bowl of oranges on the table. We have a huge balcony that overlooks a little stream, the hills, AND the Paulaner brewery. Our neighborhood smells like hops. How many people can say that????

Not all is bad

I guess I'm becoming more German than I've realized. I have been complaining so much lately! (There certainly has been a fair amount to complain about in my defense.) When I was a teenager I loved to comment on "things that annoy me." My mom would always say: Add it to your list! But to get away from that, I'm going to share some of the more pleasant news that come from Deutschland.

First thing. I got the chance to meet up with my uncle here in Germany! He is an international airline pilot and we arranged the time to meet him in Wiesbaden for a weekend. And what a weekend it was. Due to all the stress, we really needed to get away as they often say and my uncle helped to make for a very relaxing retreat.

I have always adored my uncle. I rarely get to see him because of the industry he works in. The last time I had seen him was two years back at my going away party when I escaped to Thailand. Needless to say, we had a lot to catch up on.



(We had just come back from our run in this photo....We don't wear this gear out and about...Just to clarify.)

The conversation lasted seven hours. Seven! It's not that I was counting or anything but I only realized after when we were going to bed that the dialoge was steady to say the least. We started with coffee and then traveled to another coffee place and then ended up at a very classically German restaurant. Since my uncle often flies to Germany, we were able to share our cultural impressions of the culture with one another and how they differ from what we're used to in the States. One thing that we both agreed on was the fact that Germans are so quick to take off their clothes! Not in any sexual way, but just to casually change clothes in public or catch a tan during lunch break. From suit to nude.

I thought that I've always "known" my uncle; who he is and what he does, where he lives. But talking to him personally I began to learn things that I never knew and vice versa. First off, he has been practically everywhere on this planet except for Prague. He would continuouslly ask Rolf: Have you been to...? I was amazed at how much of the globe he had covered and with stories to share also! It made me think about how your life is really your own and you make of it what you want. If you want certain things or desire to have things, they really are there for the taking. You just have to have the courage to step out and seize opportunities. I love you Uncle Pete! Thanks for such a great weekend!

It was esspecially nice to have that quality time with him that I had never really had before and also I was thrilled to have him meet Rolf. At one point, Rolf had left for a bathroom break and my uncle leaned in to let me know how much he approved of him. It was the last family member of mine that Rolf had not yet met.

It's my turn now to meet his family now that we are in Germany. I already have had the pleasure of meeting his sister and spending time with her. Next month in April for Easter we will be going to Rolf's hometown to meet the rents! I'm anxious to show off my newly acquired German skills and see the home that Rolf grew up in. They both don't speak English (his dad really tries and knows some vocabulary)but, I think it will be better for me to communicate in their language. This is surely a new ballgame for me. (Rolf too.)

This past weekend in Erlangen, my friend Kuba who I had met while I was living in Thailand, came to stay with us for a night. I had not seen him obviously since I had left the Kingdom of Thailand and he by chance was working temporarily in Germany. We went salsa dancing and out to a couple of bars to witness Germans getting drunk. How unusual.......It was quite a struggle for him to arrive in Erlangen because he accidently forgot the directions and instead of a 3 hour drive, it took him just about 6. He was happy to finally arrive and take a beer back.




We also got the chance that same weekend to take the high speed train up to Bamberg to visit Rolf's friend, Yvonne. I had actually met her before when she visited us in the States back in November. Bamberg was a great little city. Just what you would imagine a typical German city to be like. Old buildings and restaurants that date back to the 1500's, a river that runs through the city and the castle up on top of the hill. The weather was nice and not too cold, so we spent our time walking around and window shopping. Which is actually fun here and what people typically do. In the States, you don't often see people walking around just to stand in front of windows and point to things that catch their eye.


Even though the move across the Atlantic didn't prove to be as smooth as one would hope, we are still managing to fit in all the things that we want to do. Seeing friends, going out and visiting new places. I have to say that I'm lucky and fortunate to have this opportunity. Although, I could never have done this or gotten through this without the help of my man...Rolf. Thanks, sweetie! You're the best!

Some things happen for a reason

Everytime I sit down to write this blog, there seems to more and more happening. I guess that's life, but personally, I am waiting for things to even out or slow down.


My last blog was more about my cultural impressions of the big D, but this one will be more about what has been happening in this little thing called, "my life".


So I was working for a family in Germany as an au pair. For those of you who know, I was pretty excited to be working with this particular family because of what they were willing to offer and because they seemed like very pleasant people. I started work with a lot of enthusiam to do things to the best of my ability. It wasn't that I was so stoked with the idea that I was using a BA degree and international experience to serve other people who have the money to hire servants...BUT, Rolf and I were able to live in the apartment that they furnished for us for free, I was getting paid, and it was a sure way for me to be able to stay in Germany with Rolf. It seemed too good to be true and that's exactly how it turned out to be, just worse.


Things with the family did not go well from the beginning. They pretty much handed me their car keys and told me to go. They never sat down with me once to explain what they needed from me, when and where I supposed to take the kids and from where I was supposed to pick them up. I guess they assumed I would just know their life as well as they did.


The only communication I ever had with them was through SMS or text. I would learn what I was supposed to do each day only moments, literally, before I was to begin with my tasks.


Everyone wants to know, how were the kids????


What do you think?! They were awful! Sure, they are just kiddos, but I have had a decent amount of exposure to the youth and I have never come across such spoild brats. It's really a shame to see them having no friends and demanding things the way they did with me. It was a shame to see them hardly ever laugh or have fun and to ask every night, "who will bring me to bed tonight?"


I'm a pretty likable person....I have friends and I get along with people. I was never able to make a connection with these people as much as I tried.


That's fine though. Not everyone becomes best friends and I began to accept that. But everyday I was becoming increasingly more frustrated with the last minute demands from the parents and staying at their home until late into the night several times a week. Something which was never agreed upon and something that was told differently to me from the get-go.


I was coming home every night, late, more upset than the day before.


After already 2 months, they told me that my "probationary" period was over and I was to begin the real work. I was shocked. I was already working for them and we had already agreed that I would be their au pair. They became more discourteous to me and I became more disinterested in doing anything to help them. The "real" work included me driving to Austria every Friday to drop the kids off and their weekend house and wait for their au pair in Austria to relieve me or wait for the parents to arrive in Austria. With the track record that they had shown me in regards to being "on-time", I was sure that I wouldn't even see my weekend. Instead, I would be on standby in Austria.


I was furious. I didn't even have my visa through them yet and I didn't have proper insurance that would cover me for driving either. Besides the legal and safety factors, in principal they were taking advantage of me and my dependence upon them.



It all came to a screeching halt when the parents left for Thailand. I was to juggle the responsibilities with the grandmother who also happened to be our landlord and a total bitch. She would toss the keys at me, never make any eye contact, just as though I had done something terrible to her in a past life.



I had just returned home from my language class and was using the restroom. I was home alone and I didn't shut the door. Then I heard a knock. I didn't answer because I was busy, obviously. Then moments later after the knock, the door lock clicked and the front door was opening........(The bathroom door is directly facing the front door by the way).....I yelled: Excuse me, I'm using the restroom!!!! Guess who it was??? Right! The damn grandmother! I quickly shut the door and told her that I would be out in a moment. I was shocked (again). Once I finished washing my hands, I opened the bathroom door to see the front door wide open and the grandmother was standing there waiting for me! She began to scold me. I didn't buy one of the kids a pretzel in the morning for him to take to school because the parents left for Thailand without leaving me any money for their kids. They had expected me to pay and I wasn't for that. She was upset because he "didn't have anything to eat alllllllllday."

Mind you that he goes to school from 8am to 12pm. A whole four hours.

She was shaking in anger and intentionally had brought the kid with her so that she could yell at me in front of him. Real appropriate. Everytime I tried to interject, I was ran over with her lecture. So I said sorry and then she threw the keys at me, demanded I leave to pick up the other kid and stormed out.

I was, again, furious.



Then I found out that I was to drive the kids to Austria on Friday which I had to tried to explain to them would not be a wise idea nor was it something that I was willing to do. I sent an email professionally explaining my reasoning.



I never heard anything back, but then received a SMS that wasn't meant to be sent to me. It was meant to be sent to the grandmother from the mother. It said that she wanted to kick me out.



And that's what happened.



About thirty minutes after I got that message, the father called me and told me that I was fired. He was actually yelling and saying things like: I never want to see you again. I never want to have anything to do with you. You're MY au pair. I'll call the police and have your things thrown out.



It really sounded as though he was foaming at the mouth. I had actually planned on quitting anyways, but I was irrate when he said that I have 48 hours to leave the apartment.



There certainly was no reason for that.....No matter what. After several minutes of him yelling through the phone and me not being able to get a single word in, I just hung up. That's when I broke down. I was shaking with anger and I was scared. I never could have expected this and never experienced such hostility from someone I barely knew. Like I said, I was going to quit anyways. Rolf and I were doing everything we could to prepare for that too. We already had scheduled to look at apartments that week and we went ahead and got a visa without the help of the family. Everything was prepared for me to quit, except the apartment.



So, I started packing. Rolf came home to console me and he finished packing. This happened on a Wednesday night and we somehow managed to:

1. Pack all our things

2. Pack all our things into the rental car

3. Find a fabulous apartment, twice as big, in a better area, in the city center, with a brand new kitchen, a huge patio, high ceilings, brand new bathroom, and two bedrooms

4. Drive to Erlangen to spend the weekend before the move in date

By Friday at 3pm.



We make a great team, Rolf and I.



So, in reality those assholes did us a favor even though it was their clear intent to screw us over as much as possible.



We spent Friday night watching The Office and drinking champagne. Doesn't get much better than that.



After I had hung up on the father, I haven't heard a single word from them. Surprise, surprise.



And just so you know...We intentionally left the apartment in better condition than when we had moved in. I'm positive they'll get what they deserve, but it won't come from me.



I'll post pictures as soon as we move into our first, real apartment. We're both very excited.